We are in the midst of our End-of-the-Year Family Meetings at North Star. This process involves having each teen, their parents, and all relevant and available core staff members gathering to review the year and hear plans for the future. Scheduling 62 family meetings is a challenge, but these sessions are among the most worthwhile and rewarding activities in our yearly routine. We learn things that we didn’t know before, we communicate with parents in fresh ways, and we provide our members with a chance to reflect on their choices. While we sometimes learn about difficulties and frustrations, the meetings are overwhelmingly kind and generous. The North Star staff refer to them generally as “love-fests.”
Our family meetings begin with the teen’s advisor asking the young person to share their thoughts on the year, both in regard to North Star and to their overall schedule and sense of health and well-being. Perhaps there were some highlights or a favorite activity? How was it different from the previous year? Here are some responses from last week:
- It was great. I was much better off emotionally after leaving school.
- My schedule was very full, and I liked everything.
- I liked Zoom and coming to class in my pjs.
- I developed a major interest in HAM radio.
- I said “no” to a lot of things.
- It was better than any year in school.
- Reading. Lots of reading.
- I had time to do my own things.
- Hiking. I really loved the hiking group.
- It was way better than having to go to school and sit in the same room for six hours, and then have homework.
- I got a job as PCA, for my grandparent!
- I learned lots of Korean.
- I was outside almost all of my waking hours.
Then, we ask each parent to share what it was like for them to have a child living and learning without school. Last week, we heard:
- It was a relief that he wasn’t miserable.
- I’m still adjusting, but glad they are happy.
- This year has been so difficult, but not North Star. You have been the easiest, calmest part of our lives.
- Our child is more social, more of a teen, and less present with our family.
- My child doesn’t share much with me, so I’m here to hear from you all.
- It was an awesome first year!
- Zoom classes meant I could overhear moments as I moved about the house. I got to hear all of you at different times.
- My child is transitioning into a young adult, and I don’t expect they will have a traditional job. This is great practice.
- I’m still worried about my child learning the fundamentals.
- It’s beautiful to see my child’s self-confidence unfolding.
- My child did more than they did in school but seemed less busy.
- Getting my child up for school the previous year was like pulling teeth every morning. Now, they got up on their own, looking forward to their day.
- 7th grade in school was full of complaints. I didn’t hear any complaining this year!
- The highlight was Bread Class! Everyone in our house loved Bread Class! (note: this may have been the most common parent comment. K.D.)
After teens and parents have had an opportunity to share highlights, each staff member has a chance to say something to the teen. Sometimes it may be about a class, a tutorial, or some other activity that was done together. Other times it’s about sharing time together in our common space and in-person days, with the staff member recalling a particular moment or anecdote that has stuck with them. Occasionally, a staff member says, “I don’t really know you, and I’m just here to listen. Maybe we’ll do something together next year.”
This feedback often contrasts sharply with our families’ previous experiences of school conferences. Teens (and parents) often arrive feeling somewhat defensive for their first family meeting. They feel outnumbered by the staff members, and we can sense the tension. Then, we feel it melt away as they hear one observation, acknowledgement, or question after another.
We conclude by asking about plans for the future – whether North Star is among their plans for the fall, and what other goals are on the near horizon. Some replies:
- This was a hard year, and we really don’t know yet what we are doing in the fall.
- I’m going back to school to be with my friends. But thank you!
- I’m going to try a new school, but it is comforting to know North Star is here if it doesn’t work out.
- I am heading off to Stirling College in the fall!
- I’ll be full-time at community college and working in the fall.
- Of course I’m coming back! (About 2 out of 3 meetings have this response. K.D.)
It turns out that asking each member their plans for next year in this setting is a reasonable and lovely thing to do, and gives us loads of feedback. Prior to having this process in place, families sometimes just moved on from North Star without any explanation or warning. Not only does this space give us a heads up on people’s plans, it gives families a chance to say thank you:
- My life would have been very different without North Star. I can’t even imagine how I would have done middle school and high school.
- Thank you all for being nice to me.
- We were distance members, and now you have connected us with a local self-directed learning program. Thank you.
- I’ve been working on replacing some of the bad school messages I heard years ago with what North Star staff members say. I’m beginning to believe in myself, with your help.
- It’s nice to know there is place like North Star in the world.
- We are grateful for this community. (Grateful was a common theme. K.D.)
For those moving on, we wish them well and invite them to stay in touch. To our returning members, especially this year, we say with joy and gusto “See you in-person in the fall. We are looking forward to more time together and rebuilding our culture.”
Our end-of-year calendar of Family Meetings, Day Trips and Activities, Student Presentations, and Final Shindig create an intense and emotional month of culminating our year. When it is over, the core staff feels inspired and appreciated. We are grateful for this community as well.
Featured Photo: A North Star trip to Magic Wings Butterfly Conservatory