Full disclosure:
before this week, I had never heard of Billie Eilish.
In case you missed it, Billie Eilish swept the four major Grammy Awards last week. She is 18 years old, and an unabashed, proud homeschooler. In a video interview with Pitchfork Magazine, she says, “Well, I’ve never been to school. I grew up homeschooled, stayed homeschooled, never was not homeschooled. The thing is, I still learned everything, but I learned it in life.”
Well, this is certainly a welcome and unplanned boost to our efforts. How about a new Liberated Learners campaign, “Don’t go to school. Focus on your music, and you can win four Grammys when you are 18!” Joking aside, we are living in an era where homeschooling is becoming more and more accepted and normalized every year. Whether it’s for a lifetime of learning without school or just a yearout to catch one’s breath in a difficult moment, homeschooling is becoming a more familiar option throughout our society. Stereotypes persist, of course, that homeschooling is only for certain sorts of people, so individuals like Billie Eilish are helpful in broadening people’s awareness. Perhaps some teens will notice her story and reconsider any limiting attitudes they may have held about who might choose homeschooling.
In my previous blog, I asked, “Where is Everybody?” Well, it’s funny how things work. In the past three weeks we have had more than a dozen new inquiries at North Star. I’m not sure how many of these teens will end up joining our program, but there is certainly a January rush. I’m sorry to report that it feels like a widespread case of mid-year depression, anxiety and frustration. I didn’t realize that The January Blues is a noted phenomenon. To me, these January Blues refer to teens feeling that they are drowning in the middle of the school year, far from the safety of any upcoming spring break or summer vacation. It is dark, it is cold, and the new year is not off to a good start. Things feel bleak.
This current group of inquiries includes fourteen youth, only two of whom are currently homeschooling and feel that January is a good time to add in something new to their lives. The other twelve are all in some version of a crisis. They are mostly ages 12-15, a few more girls than boys, and at least one identifying as trans or non-binary. Most of them are still going to school every day, but a few have missed so much school that they are facing serious issues about grades, credits, and passing this year. Whether it is anxiety, depression, social conflict, or just plain boredom, they each need something different fairly urgently.
One parent told me over the phone:
Hello, I’d like to learn about North Star for my son. He’s 14, in 9th grade. He goes to school every day, but resists getting up every morning. He trudges through the day. There is no joy or happiness there for him, and it’s affecting the quality of his life. He uses up every bit of energy to make it through the day, and then he falls apart at home. He’s getting straight As, though.
This story was repeated almost verbatim by another one of these parents, and yet again by a close friend of mine who lives far away but called me this week seeking my thoughts.
Nevertheless, as I recounted in previous blog, these teens still feel reluctant to leave school and try something new. The young fellow I described in that blog last month has managed to stay in school (do I get credit for scaring him into behaving well? I told him he should go to school civilly or allow his mother to sign him up for North Star.) Several of this new crop of inquiring teens are very cautious about speaking with me, visiting North Star, and formally deciding to join our program. There is nothing sudden, flippant, or rash about this process that I can detect. As miserable as they are, the idea of quitting school makes them feel even worse. It is a serious challenge for me to reframe the idea as leaving an environment that isn’t healthy for them and choosing to get a head start on one’s life.
It is fascinating how much perspective and context matter. I know that in one of these hard cases, the teen who isn’t going to school this month continues to happily attend a rock-climbing gym, read intellectual books, and closely follow current U.S. politics. The teen feels like a failure because they are unable to sustain their previous commitment of going to school. At the same time, I know plenty of veteran homeschoolers living a comparable routine who feel quite busy and satisfied. Our cultural norms pushing most youth to stay in school and succeed on its terms are deeply ingrained. They don’t believe that another way actually exists that is accepted, let alone respected or admired, by various college admissions offices and employers. They hear my proposal to prioritize their mental health and happiness as an invitation to admit they are unable to cope with school and will have to live with this disqualifying flaw the rest of their lives.
I believe cultural change happens slowly and organically. The homeschooling movement has grown from the bottom up, one family at a time, over the past four decades. It now involves approximately 3% of students in the United States, mostly in the elementary and middle school years. It is the fastest growing segment of schooling over the past 20 years, but many teens and parents still have visceral negative reactions to the word “homeschooling.” As you may notice, many times we use the phrase “self-directed learning” or other phrases to avoid putting people off with the term “homeschooling.”
Thus, it’s surprising and invigorating to have a positive shock wave come from the top down – a celebrity shout-out for our alternative to school. Billie Eilish’s fierce embrace of the word “homeschooling” thrills me. She doesn’t care if people get what it means to her and her family. She is
saying, “I never went to school, I love how that worked out, and I call that homeschooling.” I hope her pride inspires many of us to claim the word and explain that homeschooling has many forms and many amazing characters in its orbit.
I hope that the brief national attention given to Billie Eilish might be noticed by young people struggling with a school routine, and that she inspires them to explore this option, even as a short-term respite, as an immediate, accessible, and powerful solution to these January Blues.
